The Problem of Pain

Hello blog world.

I am ashamed to say I've neglected my writing duties recently. I haven't stopped writing... I just have been cheating on my blog. That's right. I said it. I've been cheating on my blog with a real, live, paper-and-pen journal. It's much more cathartic to write about life in a venue where no one but yourself is going to read it. I am sure everyone understands that point.

Lately I've been learning a lot about pain. Everyone has times in their lives where they go through something painful, be it a breakup, a betrayal, a death, a physical injury, bad news... anything. And in the last two years, I've had quite the healthy scoop of all the above with a few sprinkles of other life-changing experiences on top.

Some people say pain happens for a reason. Some say it happens at random and that's why some peoples' lives are so much harder than others'. Some say God brings pain to show us that He is there. Some say it's the devil who brings pain to try and tear us from God. Some say that because pain exists, God must not exist.

What I want to know is if it's possible to go through a painful experience and come out the same person. I don't think it is. I think back on stories of people who find out they're diagnosed with terminal illnesses and they change and become saint-like and treat the world with love and kindness for the rest of their days. And I've seen the opposite happen too, where someone diagnosed with late-stage cancer became greedy, selfish, and cruel, resenting the world and hurting everyone in his path.

I've also heard of people coming out of painful breakups who move on and get over the past and create a new, better, more fulfilling life for themselves, and eventually have a new, rewarding relationship better than the last. And I've seen my friends go through breakups that they never (and still haven't)gotten over.

I was very closely associated with someone who had been in a deadly car wreck and he said it changed his life; he realized he wasn't living the right way and turned his whole existence around. He dropped his old friends and pursued a new career and never looked back. But then again so many people who are injured become bitter and angry with the continuous pain.

There are two sides of every situation. There can be good that comes from the bad, or the bad can beget more bad. So when you find yourself in pain, which way does it go? Do we have a choice in the matter? Or does life choose for us, just like life seems to choose who hurts and who doesn't?

So yes, I write this now because I have, for months now, been affected by many different events in life which have caused me great emotional pain. And I feel like I am staring at two different doors, one where I move on and grow bigger and stronger... and the other, where I remain bruised and scarred, and build walls around myself to protect my heart from hurting anymore. So which will it be? Do I get to decide?